Indications That You Will Almost Certainly Fail

There is doughnut glaze and Cheetoh dust all over your workout DVD.


You notice that your boss has a pink slip filled out with everything but his signature.

The guy giving you a driving test has a stress-induced coronary during the test.

You’ve asked out a girl who is frowning at you, wearing a wedding ring and has the words “I am a lesbian” tattooed on her neck…

The football team you just bet on refuses to take the field until the opposing team agrees to go easy on them.

The teacher is speaking to the class in fluent Spanish, they are answering in fluent Spanish and all you know is how to ask for a bathroom.

Your presentation on new database technology makes three of your coworkers cry.

You find a brightly-colored snake coiled around your ankle in your sleeping bag and all you can remember is “Red touches black won’t hurt Jack; red touches yellow, won’t hurt that fellow”

You and your girlfriend are going upstairs for sex and you notice that she’s brought a crossword puzzle along…

Your credit rating is just two points away from being a capital offense in your state.

At the track meet, you line up at the starting line and notice that everyone else is facing the opposite direction…

 

 

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