Why Kung-fu Movies are Better than Sex

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On average, kung-fu movies last about eighty minutes; sex, in my experience, lasts about eighty seconds… two minutes if I think about baseball… forty-five seconds, if I think about women’s softball…

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In kung-fu movies, the martial artists pretend to be various animals to make themselves more unbeatable; but, ask your partner to pretend to be Sailor Moon just ONCE and she tries to put you into therapy.

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The motivator behind the plots to most kung-fu movies is revenge, vengeance or getting back at someone; come to think of it, that’s been the motivator for most of the sex I’ve had…

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Kung-fu movies imply that there was a period in China’s history when people could fly; if you claim unbelievable sexual abilities, you’ll probably be required to demonstrate them.

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Practitioners of the “Monkey Style” of kung-fu actually become more proficient as they get drunker; that kind of works in the opposite direction when it comes to sex.

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In most martial arts movies, you know who the bad one is from the start; in sex, you don’t know who the bad one is until afterwards. Hint: It’s the one who looks the least disgusted and embarrassed.

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It’s easier to explain kung-fu to a three year old who has walked in on you while watching a kung-fu movie than it is to explain why daddy was spanking mommy with a cricket bat.

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You don’t get jealous if someone is watching the same kung-fu movie that you’ve been watching…

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If you fail in a kung-fu movie, you die and that’s the end of it. Failure at sex involves a lifetime of anger, resentment and allusions to the “Sailor Moon incident”.

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You don’t have to fantasize about other martial artists to make a kung-fu movie more exciting…

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6 thoughts on “Why Kung-fu Movies are Better than Sex

    1. I think we were all thrown for a loop when, at the end of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, one of the main characters just “flew away”. On the other hand, some people accept Superman for what he is…

      As always, thanks for reading them. I noticed I have one hundred and fifty posts at this point. It’s getting where I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday…

      Liked by 1 person

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