Not So Random Thoughts on ‘Security’


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There is safety in numbers” means little to a man being trampled by a panicked crowd…

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Ben Franklin once said, “Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety”. This may be true, but I’d give up my right to bear arms if it ensure my plane wouldn’t crash. Hell, I’d give up my right to assembly for a new dryer…

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Playing it safe is for wimps and people who want to keep all of their fingers.

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Friends provide us with a safe space in which to express our thoughts and opinions; moreover, if we fall asleep on their couches, they will draw penises on our faces.

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Your children will never be truly safe as long as there is a wood-chipper in their bedroom.

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Live your life without regard to your own safety and, on your death bed, you will have no regrets except for the regret that you are on your death bed at sixteen years old.

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You’ll be safest if you never leave your home; but, you’ll miss so much of the world until you realize that you can see it on television.

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Sometimes, the safest thing to do is nothing; whereas, other times the safest thing to do is to jump out of a bedroom window without your pants on.

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Safety is an illusion; but, that “illusion” is very real. The lives of you and your children depend on this… whatever it is…

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I put up a “Beware of Dog” sign to keep prowlers away; but, the sign seemed too terse. So, I changed it to “Beware of My Dog”, but calling my dog, “dog” seemed kind of cold-blooded. So, I changed it to, “Beware of My Dog Cindi”… but that didn’t seem right because people might think I just meant the sign for some person named “Cindi”. So, I changed the sign to “I Have a Poorly-Trained Dog Who is NOT Up-to-date on Her Shots”… which is a lie because my dog is not poorly trained; moreover, she doesn’t exist… but, when I tried to write, “I have a Poorly-Trained Imaginary Dog Who is NOT Up-to-date on Her Shots”, my marker went dry… So, I went with the previous sign, but to avoid liability, I put it in front of someone else’s house…

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[If you like this, try this one: Fire Safety Tips]

13 thoughts on “Not So Random Thoughts on ‘Security’

  1. “you are on your death bed at sixteen years old.” You are hysterically funny and quite witty. I’m glad you blog and share yourself with the world. You entertain me with your thoughts and make my day a bit brighter.

    Liked by 2 people

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