Why I Prefer Baths to Showers

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[Okay… I’m not crazy about this one but I’m tired of looking at it in my queue.Ā  So many partially finished pieces…]

In a shower, you cannot watch your genitals gently sway with the current like a reef-dwelling anemone…

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Showers wash the dirt and filth directly off of you and down the drain. A bath allows you to sit in a soup of your own filth so you can separate from it gradually.

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Without a roof, a shower is basically just rain. Without a roof, a bath is just a swimming pool; and, who doesn’t want a swimming pool?

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In the movies, a bath is a great place to further the plot with a romantic or coy conversation and usually bubbles; in the movies, a shower is a good place to get stabbed to death.

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I never had a welt raised on my butt from a towel-snap in a high school gymnasium bath

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Vampires can be killed by running water. If you get bitten during the night, turn into a vampire, then wake up and take a shower, you’re done for. A least check a mirror for your reflection before stepping under the spray…

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Showers are boring; but, in the bathtub, if you’ve got a shaving cream lid and a bar of Ivory soap, you can play Warships. If you are fat, they have a desert island at which to dock… your naval can be a fresh water lake.

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Marat, one of the architects of the French Revolution, used to write in the bathtub. Try writing in a shower and all you’ll get is a big wet ball of regret… although, writing in the bathtub didn’t work out so well for him, either…

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With a bath, you stare up at the ceiling like Michelangelo. In a shower, you stare at the wall like stinkin’ Paul Klee.

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A shower is available almost instantly. A bath takes a few minutes which allows one plenty of time to look at yourself in the mirror from that exact angle that doesn’t make you look like Tom Bosley after a night of crying and drinking.

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11 thoughts on “Why I Prefer Baths to Showers

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