Double Happy Family Fun List with Prawns

I am not one to rest on my laurels, mostly because I am allergic to shrubs.

You know, if you took the roof off of a planetarium, the view wouldn’t change at all…

I’d laugh at people who consult psychics or use horoscopes to make decisions; but, I realized a long time ago that they put more thought into their decisions than I do. When I applied for college, I chose to become an engineer because their sign-up table was closest to the door.

I offered to give my wife the wedding of her dreams but she insisted that I be the groom.

I’m getting so desperate that I’m considering trading sex for money; however, I’ve yet to find anyone willing to pay me.

When I go camping, I set my tent up inside-out so I can enjoy the outside without getting rained on…

If you ever find a dead body next to an open bottle of wine and a half-finished can of olives, you can bet that the murder weapon was a Swiss army knife.

I was going to throw away my bedroom slippers but, at the last minute, I got cold feet…

The best thing about playing solitaire with a Tarot deck is, once you lay the cards out, you know immediately whether you’ll win or lose or travel over a body of water to be murdered by a tall stranger.

I think that every high school student should take a year of Latin because I like arbitrarily telling people what to do…

She was the woman of my dreams. I obsessed over her so much, I could see her in my sleep.