Life Hacks…Then Spits

You can save money on window cleaner by mixing some vinegar and water in a spray bottle and using that solution to clean your windows. You can save even more money by NOT cleaning your windows… because, when a window gets dirty enough to become opaque, it simply becomes a wall…

When you travel, wrap a bar of scented soap in your clothes so that, when you arrive at your destination, your soap will smell like clothes.

When your friends borrow things, take a picture with your phone so you remember that they borrowed them. It also helps your friends remember what an anal-retentive prick you are…

If you have to leave your seat at a bar or pub, put your drink coaster on top of it. That is the universal code for “I’ll be back” and the only people that might take your seat and/or drink would be those not from this universe.

If you want to sign autographs while playing Appalachian folk music, duct tape a Sharpie to a banjo.

A cheap substitute for foot powder is corn starch… plus it makes it much easier to make gravy in your shoes.

To remove toilet bowl stains, pour a can of coke into your toilet and leave it overnight. Brush with soap. Be sure to use decaf or your toilet will be jittery most of the next day.

A marijuana “bong” can be converted into a functional flower vase almost as quickly as your mom can walk into your bedroom unannounced. Not sure what you’ll do about the smoke, though…

If there is a small leak under your sink, try stapling two sponges together and painting the bottom sponge with acrylic paint. Well, THAT took your mind off of the leak for a few minutes, didn’t it?

Getting blood out of a carpet simply requires a little industrial solvent and a stiff wire brush… both of which you can get at the store where you are about to buy your shovel.