Donald Trump’s Advice on Weathering a Government Shutdown

If your money gets tight and you cannot afford food, maybe fire a member of your staff that you’ve been meaning to get rid of… that insolent chauffeur for example…

Yes, your family lives paycheck to paycheck. When there is six months to a year between paychecks you’ll still be living from paycheck to paycheck, only not every member of your family will still be living when it is over.

In lieu of rent, offer to paint your home for the landlord. This will make your unit that much nicer for next month when he has to evict you and rent to someone else.

Yes, your daughter turning to a career in porn is humiliating for all involved; however, there’s a pretty good chance someone will pay her a hundred and thirty thousand dollars to keep her mouth shut.

Just don’t pay your bills. When your creditors complain, sic your dozen or so lawyers on them. If you don’t have a dozen or so lawyers, take out a loan so you can retain some…

There’s always bankruptcy. Don’t worry, bankruptcy does NOT mean that Russian mob banks won’t lend you money. You may have to stay overseas for a few days and you may owe someone a “favor”. Also, you might be urinated upon…

If your father has tens of millions of dollars, arrange a loan. If your father isn’t wealthy, borrow from your wife’s father.

If you are forced to work without pay, take consolation in the fact that no one can tell you that you are overpaid.

If cash flow is a problem, evict some of you less reliable tenants. If they are widows or orphans, have them beaten up before evicting…

You can sell your organs to foreign buyers. Important note: If the person harvesting your organs is using a thresher or a combine, he probably doesn’t know what he’s doing…

When money gets tight, tell cook to make something less expensive. For example: Instead of using quail eggs with your caviar, substitute sour cream.