If I had to pick my one biggest mistake in my life, I’d have to pick the time that I opened an allergy clinic right next door to a Africanized bee, shrimp, peanut and ragweed emporium.
Older women who are attracted to younger men are called “cougars”. Older men who are attracted to younger women are called “all of them”.
Every man has his breaking point. Mine are my knees, elbows and wrists.
If we embraced communism, couples would no longer fight about money. They would, however, fight over whether or not anarcho-communism is an insurrectionary anarchism or simply a brief but essential transitory phase. Either way, SOMEONE is sleeping on the couch, tonight…
Despite all of their best efforts, veterinary scientists have yet to find an effective way to get a horse to gargle.
Today’s kids have video games, movies on demand and snack-sized foods. In my day, if we wanted to have fun, we’d run very fast down a grassy hill until we fell on our faces.
As my friends and relatives die, I cannot decide if I’m blessed to be alive or bad luck for my friends and relatives.
My brother and I bought fighting kites when I was a kid but we stored them in the same closet and they tore each other to pieces overnight.
I wouldn’t trade my boys for all the money in the world; but, I’d at least like someone to make that offer.
There are plenty of people alive today who like to yodel, which is ironic because so many of the rest of us really want them to die.
If the Sun were the size of a basketball, the Earth would be the size of an apple seed; but, don’t worry… that isn’t likely to happen…