All Quiet on the Random Thoughts

 

Sun Tzu said, “When you forces are strong, appear weak; and, when your forces are weak, appear strong”. That’s why, whenever I walk into a bar full of tough guys, I always make it a point to knock out the smallest, weakest man in the room. Just in case they all have knowledge of ancient Chinese military tactics…

If you are in a house during a fire, keep as low as possible. If you are ever threatened by a black bear, make yourself seem as large as possible. If you are ever menaced by a flaming black bear, you are done for…

We’ve bred dogs to the point where some are larger than a man and some are small enough to fit inside a tea cup. We haven’t done that with people, yet… which is a shame because I could really use a hypoallergenic girlfriend…

If utter humiliating failure is your goal, I suggest you aspire to become a famous tap dancer.

Out of chaos comes opportunity… usually an opportunity to be trampled by panicked crowds…

If there is one trait that makes us all brothers, it is having the same parents…
Every problem can be solved by patience: Either the problem will resolve itself and go away or you will die of old age…

I like camping because, after we’ve destroyed most of the animal habitat in the country, it’s nice to go into what little land they have left and annoy them…

No one knows how many sheep are in the world because, whenever researchers try to count them, they fall asleep…